Basal ganglia

Everything you do confounds me.

I am sick of being punished,
and you can't seem to help yourself.

This thing you're doing doesn't work for me.
Press two mirrors together and nothing happens.
Nothing ever happens.

There's too much noise and no signal. 
So why do you keep reading this? ask yourself. 
Why are you still sitting here? at this table.
I only want something terribly sad.

Maybe you are too big or I am too small.
Lovingkindness is not always instinctive.
I have something to tell you
but I don't know what anymore. Oh well. 
Oh well oh well oh well oh well. 

Promises are only words 
unless you scream them at me.
I'd rather see a map
of your head the night we met.
Let's see if your neurons light up
like someone falling to their knees

and nothing to grab onto.
Aggression is instinctive.
Possession is instinctive.
Darling. Your eidolon daydream
is here to make you virulent.
The rumors, they're all true.
I tried, but I couldn't leave you

or your house or your head
unhaunted. I can be selfish like that.
I so like to simplify a thing 
and keep simplifying. 
Until it nearly breaks. 
I so like a nearly-broken thing
held in both my hands. 
Then I don't feel like a ghost. 

Like how the night-screaming only stopped
after I told you my secret.
And one day I will even tell you 
how strangely I have loved you
(yes) but not today. 
Love can be tyrannical. 
I need to see your neurons to believe in you. 
Love is not some god. 
See how love gazes and holds its breath.

Taps out its quiet code.
Startling. 
So sure. There are many ways
to estimate love
but reticence is not one.
Forfeiture can’t be one.
Neural constellations might be one.
Let's see. Do not be afraid
of me. The last thing I want to do
is hurt you

but you step towards the door 
and I say wait. 
And you say for what.
And you don't know it yet
but this is your very last chance.